Rules for People Watching
The most important rule is that there are no rules. Take
every rule and mold it to your individual interests. Reader discretion is
advised.
#1: there are no rules. Don’t follow anyone’s formula for
people watching. It takes the fun away if you do!
#2: because there are no rules, if you are at Café 153 and
realize those fresh-baked cookies look particularly appetizing, dig in (but pay
for it first). It may only be people watching, but it still requires a certain
measure of sustenance.
#3: bring an Ipod and earphones. Every people watching
expedition requires a jam. Listen to your own jam. If “What the Hell” by Avril
Lavigne gets you in your groove, don’t be ashamed that the music isn’t more
“mood” oriented. You aren’t taking a nap and you aren’t studying. Listen to
what you like. But, don’t feel pressured to stick to one jam for the entire
session. If you switch to the Avett Brothers near the end because you decide
people are boring and you’d rather watch the clouds, feel free.
#4: judge everybody. If I told you not to judge, you
wouldn’t be able to abide by that rule. Just go ahead and be judgmental. Roll
your eyes when the girlfriend of the hot guy sitting across from you finally
shows up (don’t pretend you didn’t pick your seat on purpose and suddenly feel
like the seat may just have lost its appeal about the same time as said guy
decides to follow his GF to Anthropology). This brings me to rule #5.
#5: wear sunglasses. This isn’t just to shield your eyes
from the sun. This is so you can stare at people without them really knowing
you are looking at them. It also gives you a split second longer to look away
when you feel like they’re on to you. The Sunglass Spy skills are hard to hone,
but I feel certain you will be an expert by the end of your expedition.
#6: bring sunscreen. This is the most practical rule, but
one I’d suggest you follow above all other rules. It’s especially important if
you have been cooped indoors for 8 months of winter and are seeing the sun for
the first time in the spring. 2 hours can do some serious work to your skin. Then
again, don’t follow this rule. It wouldn’t be an adventure without battle
scars.
#7: don’t worry about what people are thinking of you. More than likely they are judging
you the same way you are judging them, so we all win at this game. They are
going to judge you anyway for just sitting there by yourself, with you purse,
your Ipod, you water, your latté, your cookie, your giant notebook, and your
pen. They are going to think you are creepy for looking at them and more creepy
because you are taking notes in your notebook and, yes, you are writing about
them and how silly they look. Just embrace the fact that you look strange, and
make attempts to look stranger by dancing and singing to your music. Give them
something to laugh about with their friends when they get home.
#8: Make your own rules! Don’t follow mine. Remember, there
are no rules. I’m serious. Now get out there and watch people.