Make Your Day Job Your B*tch
The community where I grew up discouraged me from having a career. I experienced barriers to getting a college degree, working full time, or having any ambition beyond cooking, cleaning, or managing a budget.
I received little direction for finding a job, writing a resume, getting a degree, pursuing a career, or even how to select a career (because I wasn’t supposed to have one).
Until my late twenties, when I landed my first job that I would consider my career job, I was stuck in jobs that were so boring they were exhausting. I was nearly always broke. At the same time, I didn’t think I could do anything different, because I thought you had to have the experience first. I consistently underestimated what I could do.
I took much longer getting to the career route than average. I had to teach myself things most people learn in school or from their parents.
However, when I finally did secure a career job, I discovered those mind-numbing day jobs prepared me for the reality that every job has boring moments; every job has unfulfilling moments; every job contains people who underestimate you (including yourself); every job is difficult for different reasons.
While I have since had a few jobs I absolutely loved (the sort you look forward to every day), even those jobs had their rough edges and days that had me questioning, do I want to keep doing this? I also learned every job is meaningful, even when you hate it.
Career jobs and day jobs are not far from one another in what they can do for you—if you learn how to make them work for you instead of working for them. If you learn to make your day job your bitch.
If you want help navigating your career path as you recover from trauma, reach out Here
During the years where I was bridging the gap between where I was and where I hoped to be in my career, I did an odd assortment of everything. I was a nanny, worked as an admin, and worked in marketing. I was a barista. I spent a summer working on a ranch, tutored, and cleaned houses. In my mid-twenties, when most people my age were starting their careers, or their families, or both, all of those odd jobs became torture. I felt like a total loser. I felt like I was being left behind.
Then I found the book Quitter by John Acuff. He suggested turning your day job into your ally. See it as the thing that is helping get you where you want to be. Maybe it’s not what you want to do, but you’re learning skills you can craft into your resume. Maybe you’re meeting interesting people who might help you later on. Maybe it’s as simple as the job pays your bills so you can keep working on your craft, without having to survive on $1 pizzas from the gas station. (For the record, I’ve eaten many $1 pizzas.)
Note: I read this book over a decade ago, so don’t know if I would still recommend it. I just know it played a role in reframing my perspective of the jobs I had to do in order to survive. It helped me survive. It helped me see jobs I did not want to do as stepping stones to the jobs I wanted to do. But I always hesitate to recommend anything about careers that are written by white men, simply because most white men have a different experience in the workforce than those from marginalized communities.
With that in mind, here are some ways to make your day job your bitch:
1. Learn everything you can (even if the job is far from what you want to do).
2. Practice people skills (soft skills).
3. See coworkers as potential allies and boring work as stepping stones.
4. Remember this is not forever.
5. Remember this is helping you get where you want to go.
Then, take steps to get where you want to go:
Hire someone to help you with your resume.
Hire a career coach.
Take a class.
Start reaching out to people who are doing what you want to do. Say, “Can I take you to coffee and ask you about your work?” Or, “Do you have twenty minutes in the next few weeks for me to ask you about your story?” Come prepared with questions. In order to ask informed questions, you might have to do some research first.
When you’re done asking those questions, end with, “Is there anyone else you think I should speak to?” Who knows, this person might end up being a reference or recommending you for a job. When they say, who you know is more important than what you know, I’ve found this adage to be 100 percent true.
I’ll end on a special note for those recovering from trauma. You might have had major setbacks due to toxic environments. You might have had to leave a job before you were ready because your boss was abusive. You might be going back to work after twelve years as a stay-at-home mom because you decided to leave your controlling spouse. Maybe you grew up like I did and were denied access and opportunities because of your gender.
What I have to say to you is never underestimate the skills, stamina, and courage it took to survive and get to safety. This is the sort of foundation that will serve you well in any job.
Any job.
Your resume may have gaps, but there are ways to reframe those gaps and make them work for you. You deserve better than the difficult things that have happened to you. You deserve a job you enjoy and an income to sustain your life.