Full Circle: Reconnecting With My Very First Career Coach from 10 Years Ago
Why Can’t You Do Both?
I was absolutely delighted when Will reached out over LinkedIn. I was doubly delighted when he wanted to connect over video call.
I calculated the years since we’d first worked together when I’d hired him to be my career coach. Ten years. I’d just left my home town and the Stay-At-Home Daughter Movement. I did not yet know I’d left behind abuse, and definitely could not name that I’d grown up in a cult.
During our reconnection phone call, neither of us could remember how I’d found him or what about him made me reach out. I remember how desperate I was for help that I was willing to invest financial resources that—at the time—were exorbitant. I remembered I was struggling over my future. The oppressive world I’d been in did not allow space to dream about what I wanted out of life or what a career might look like. It didn’t allow the space because most careers for women were against God’s created order.
I was specifically struggling over my two career options: Ministry or Writing. Will was the legendary character in my story who asked me the pivotal question, “Why can’t you do both?”
It never crossed my mind. I sincerely thought I had to choose. But Will seemed to think they were both important to me so maybe I shouldn’t give up either. If he hadn’t asked me this question, I likely would have existed in the paralysis of indecision for the next five years.
Proud of You
As we caught up on life, both sharing where we were in our careers, Will said he’d perused my website before we met. “Your website is power. What you’re doing is powerful.”
Power is a word that holds so much meaning for me as a survivor of abuse. Abuse is the exploitation of power: Someone with more power removes the agency of the person with less power. Recovery from abuse is a process of getting our power back.
I did. I have. I’ve recovered my power and gained more besides. And my old career coach saw it. “I’m so proud of you,” he said. He told me he remembered my tears and my anxiety from when he’d been my coach a decade ago. I remembered them too. I felt the impact of how far I’d come and how much I’d grown in ten years.
The words slid into a place in my heart that doesn’t often get access.
Proud of me and what I’ve done for myself. Proud of me as an individual. Lucky to have been a part of my life. So very proud of all I’ve accomplished and who I have become.
My parents once said things like, “I’m proud of you” and “I love you” but it’s all so confusing because I didn’t feel pride or love. I felt used. I often wondered if they said these things because they’d read a book on parenting (probably written by a cerebral, academic white man) who instructed parents to make sure they told their kids “I love you” a few times a year. I imagine they kept a spreadsheet where they added check marks each time they said it and high-fived one another for achieving self-awarded Good Parent points.
I can’t hear “I’m proud of you” from just anyone. But I heard the words from Will. They got through. I think we both knew he played a massive role in me reclaiming my power. But the person who did the reclaiming was me. Neither one of us debated that fact.
I needed extra support, and I invested time, money, and work into giving it to myself. Deep down, my barely whispering intuition knew I deserved it. Even when I felt so completely powerless and confused, it was I who made the choice to give myself what I needed. I was in charge of my destiny from the day I loaded my car and left my hometown. As the morning sun rose in my review mirror, I knew I’d never go back.
And I haven’t. I’ve only ever gone forward. Tripping, stumbling, crying, screaming. Crawling, scraping, laughing, dreaming. One step at a time. One strategically invested fund at a time. One risky choice. One uncertain decision. One step. Then another.
Don’t Forget
I wanted to know all about Will’s career path and what led him to help people like me. We talked about finances and work-life balance and taking care of ourselves while we care for others.
I’ve been coaching regularly for a few years and I’ve found I really enjoy working with powerful, ambitious women who’ve been traumatized by the patriarchy. As I shared a few ideas for what my coaching practice might look like in the future, Will said, “Don’t forget about writing.” It wasn’t an admonition. I think he said it because he knew how important it was to me. Ten years later, I’m about to have my second book published. This love that helped me survive my unconventional, traumatic upbringing never faded. These days, it pulses stronger than ever.
Will hadn’t forgotten. And it meant more to me than I really know how to express in words.
If I could go back in time and speak to the me of ten years ago—anxious, confused, uncertain me—and tell her where she’d be in ten years, it’d give her so much hope to know that all she is dreaming of will one day come true.
Will’s most active online presence is LinkedIn
Katherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse and is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse. She also provides specialized trauma informed career coaching, as folks with trauma often need extra support for interviewing and networking.
Katherine is the author of a historical romantic comedy, Hartfords, a novel that challenges gender roles in a patriarchal society that will appeal to fans of Jane Austen. Her next book on Spiritual Abuse addresses the survivor’s recovery journey, coming in 2025.
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