Counteroffer
The following is a real letter I wrote to negotiate benefits (including salary) for a church job. I used need to determine reasoning for these requests, as I could not accept the offer without some concessions, but I was willing to work with the organization to arrive at something we could all agree on. I used "need" language, rather than industry standards (because those stats, especially for women, are criminal).
Men regularly get paid more in the church because they need to support a family. Women do not (they assume). This is not speculation, I have my own experience and dozens of real-life stories to back it up.
This happens in other industries as well (I'll concede sometimes without even realizing it).
Let's assess the repercussions of this mentality (aside from its sheer archaic nature and patriarchal posture):
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In the church, you're more likely going to have single women working full time because they are the ones who don't "need" to support a family so they can work with a smaller salary. Because single women do not have the demands of a family, they are more likely to work much longer hours (I've seen this first hand). This will also increase the likelihood that a woman will leave if she gets married (because their salary is not an incentive to stay, even if they love their job) thus perpetuating a trend that functions as an excuse for churches to not invest in women.
This dichotomy increases the value of a man's labor and decreases the value of a woman's labor (inadvertently or advertantly--you decide).
Supporting a family is not the only reason you should be paid what your work is worth.
Hi [redacted],
Thank you so much for extending the offer. I am excited and honored. I fell in love with [redacted] and I am very excited about [redacted].
I have read over the offer letter and I have been praying this whole week about the position. Here are some points for clarification and negotiation that I would love to discuss over the phone with you.
For starters: Thank you! for cell phone and relocation expenses. Those two items are solid and work great. Thank you!
For the following adjustments I'm requesting, I am trying to approach this from a ministry perspective and be very honest about what I think I am going to need to feel supported and equipped to do ministry well in [redacted] and with the crazy beast that is Youth Ministry.
At the same time I want to work with you guys and be gracious and flexible and meet you guys wherever I can.
item #1: salary--Taking into consideration that I would like to live in a safe neighborhood so parents feel comfortable dropping their kids off at my house; not having to have many roommates to work around in order to keep my cost of living lower; and living in a more central location to use my home for a meet up for retreats, service projects and other events, I am requesting a larger starting salary. My ideal would be [redacted]. I recognized that this is quite a bit more than you are offering. Can you meet this? If not, how close can you get to this number?
item #2: vacation--with 2 weeks, I will have to choose between seeing family and taking actual vacation. * Rest time is vital to avoid burnout in ministry--especially youth and city ministry, so I would love to have a few more weeks. I'm facing the reality that all my travel to see family will be cross continental and that is just going to take more time.
Item #3: Sabbatical—I would like to include a sabbatical, wording something like “ministry sabbatical to be taken in the next 7 years, time and need to be determined by supervisor.” Wording leaves some room for flexibility in the anticipation of a rough season of ministry where it may need to be taken sooner than 7 years of working at [redacted]. 7 years tends to be the norm for sabbaticals. I am approaching 7 years of ministry. I don’t anticipate needing it in the next 2 years, but I would like it included nonetheless!
Item #4: Hours wording--rather than “in office” something like “office hours” or “45 hour work week determined by supervisor.” Taking into account the crazy, sometimes unpredictable, nature of youth ministry. I would like this wording changed in anticipation of potential staff transition so we can refer back to it if needed. Just for my peace of mind! **
Phew. I know that’s a lot. Again, I want to work with you guys and take as much time as needed to iron out the details so I can move to [redacted] confident that I can do ministry well. Thank you for your flexibility and graciousness in being willing to work with me and for the honor of inviting me to be a part of the team at [redacted]!
Let me know if you need anything else from me.
In response to my counteroffer, I received everything I asked for except the sabbatical.
*I love myself for recognizing that seeing family was not vacation.
**I had already had an experience at a church where “in office” language was used against me. They attempted to make their church office as corporate as possible and willfully ignored the unique difficulties of ministry and the need for flexibility. I had learned the hard way to get as much in writing as possible.