The Trauma of Conversion Therapy
Last night, a few folks from the Tears of Eden community watched Netflix’s Pray Away together. We had some technical difficulties with Teleparty, so we ended up pressing play at the same time in our prospective locations and texting while we watched. After a quarter of an hour, my tears were flowing freely, as so much of the experience of those affected by conversation therapy is the experience of survivors of Spiritual Abuse.
For a survivor of Spiritual Abuse, the language of many of the scenes might trigger memories of highly spiritual communities where the Bible is quoted as a call to arms. So many of the people who created Exodus (an ex-gay movement and ministry aimed at changing the sexual orientation of those who do not identify as cisgender and heterosexual) believed they were doing the right thing. They believed they were helping.
The documentary follows the stories of several of the founders and spokespersons for Exodus. In the beginning, they speak vehemently against their past lives of homosexuality and credit God and Jesus for saving them. One leader said she was drawn to the church because of the control, saying it was a relief to have defined rules. She also said she was bewildered at how she believed what she believed and taught what she taught while representing Exodus.
Though Spiritual Abuse is never mentioned directly, the trauma of conversion therapy rings true throughout the entire film. While proclaiming to have been healed by a movement, many of the leaders experienced symptoms of PTSD, suicidal ideation, and one of the leaders burned herself regularly in the midst of depression.
In the end, the president of Exodus meets with former members who bluntly and courageously share how the teaching impacted them. In an act of genuine grief over the damage caused, the president shut Exodus down, though many of its followers remain active participants in conversion therapy.
The film shared a devastating picture of the trauma caused by conversion therapy, but the genuine grief and regret of former leaders was healing and restorative to watch. If you’re a survivor of Spiritual Abuse in any form, it’s recommended you watch in community.
Photo by Alex Jackman on Unsplash