LA Made Just for Me

“It’s like God created Los Angeles just for you.” 

Until my grandmother said it, I hadn’t really thought about it. Not since that day I flew into LAX to interview for a job. As I looked out the window while the airplane landed, I remember distinctly feeling like I was coming home. 

And I was. Coming home. I made my home in Los Angeles for nearly four years. The confidence that LA was the place for me lasted for three years of that time. 

Then things began to shift. 

I had applied to several schools, considering returning to pursue a PHd. And as I worked to get a nonprofit off the ground, I realized incorporating in California just wasn’t a good idea, not if I didn’t plan to live in California forever. 

It seemed unlikely I would stay. It’s too expensive to just hang out if you don’t need to live here for a job. Or have roots, such as kids in school. 

Then my sister had a baby and I decided I didn’t want to watch my nephew grow up on a screen. Seeing him once a year just wasn’t enough. 

Then there was COVID, the great killer of community life. I’d already lost a big portion of my community when I left a church job. COVID finished off the rest. 

And suddenly there was no reason at all to stay. 

Once upon a time, when I was preparing to leave the job at the church. I was interviewing like a mad person and every job would have taken me away from Los Angles. I started grieving the loss of LA when I thought I would be leaving soon. This is what I wrote during that time: 

Fall 2019

I love my apartment. I love how tiny it is. I love how my room is cool at night and warm during the day. It’s cozy and welcoming. I love watching movies and shows on my TV and being able to watch something in the middle of the night if I can’t sleep. 

I love that on my day off, I don’t have to drive anywhere. There’s a grocery store, my favorite coffee shop in LA, and a sushi place, all within walking distance. I can walk to the gym. It was my sanctuary and my de-stresser for most of the time I’ve lived here. 

I love being able to hop on the buss, and for $1.25 I can ride straight down to 3rd Street and walk to Santa Monica Pier and the beach. 

I love surfing. 

I love beach volley ball. 

I love the sun. 

I love Harry Potter World at Universal Studios. 

I love my old people at Matteo’s. I love that they are always there. I love that I’ve known them for two years and they know very little about my life. I love hanging out late, watching old movies until long after it closes. I love hearing about the “old days” of Hollywood as they nurse their glasses of wine while I nurse my watered down whiskey. 

I love how Los Angeles goes to sleep after 10PM. Even on weekends. It’s such a big, lively, booming, traffic city, but after 10PM, everything stops. When it would take you an hour to get from West LA to Hollywood in the afternoon on a Friday, at night only takes 30 minutes. 

I love there are so many single people. In fact, I’d say about half the people I know are single. It’s not weird to be single here. It’s normal to be unmarried and nobody cares. I love how there isn’t one type of Christian. There’s lots of types. And for the most part, the different types are comfortable with one another. There doesn’t seem to be one “Christian way” and I can cuss and drink and talk about Game of Thrones with a whole slew of folks who don’t think I’m less holy because of it.

My grandmother said when she visited that one time, “It’s like God created Los Angeles just for you.” 

Until she said it, I didn’t really know. But now I do. God gave me Los Angeles for a little while. I want it to last. I want to cling to it and not let it go. I did not want this to be a season.

It’s crazy how a global pandemic shut down nearly all of these things. Seriously, the only things left are the beach and the weather. Sure, they will all come back eventually, but they were gone just long enough for me to realize LA is no longer the place for me. 

I’m grateful to have found a job after the church that allowed me to stay in Los Angeles just a little longer. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. I needed a year to grieve the loss of a job that I loved before I could handle the loss of the city. I’m grateful that same job allows me to continue working remotely while I move to another city. 

While I’m grieving, I know it’s the right time. I will be forever grateful for my time in Los Angeles, regardless of all the upheaval and new trauma incurred. 

I consider myself a west coaster, and LA will always be my heart city. 

I used to tell people to come visit me in Los Angeles. Now I’ll say, Meet Me in St. Louis.